He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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