Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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