there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
