Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
