Your mouth is God's brothel.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
