Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
we're so committed to being not committed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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