In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
