she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
