So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
