i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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