3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
