dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
