She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
