we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
