I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
