fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Houston, we have a blender
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
