ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
