I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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