You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
