We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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