You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
