when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
