I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
