the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
