I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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