Tell her she can't have a vagina
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
