I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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