He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
