so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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