We're facebook friends in real life
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
