My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
