i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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