Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
