I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
