How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize