i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
