Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your penis caused this!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
