wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
