This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
