My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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