Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
