I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
