What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
