Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
