She said her name was "party"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
