is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
