my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
