I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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