Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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