I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
