it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
