It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
