I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
