I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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