My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
