new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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