Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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