She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
