I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
