Soap is not a condiment
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
