I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
