My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
