so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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