i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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