all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize