how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
