So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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