i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
