Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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