He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
