is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
