How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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