barbara walters just said penis...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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