i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
