she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
