Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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