I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
