Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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