Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
