Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
