This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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