ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
