Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
operation have a gay friend backfired
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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